The story so far: Not knowing exactly what I was doing in this realme, I wandered, experimenting, trying tis and that. My overview of my life war that of shining a strobe or spotlight hither and yon trying to figure out where the heck I was and what was going on. The predominant feeling-tone of my life has been bewilderment.
Who I was I never doubted because I am always here, in this consciousness, attached to another forever. The world has stood in for that Other .
 In lieu of being able to understand my being my hope is that the Other will look upon me with understanding and compassion.
I'm in a growth spurt, or time of disequilibrium, like the Terrible Two's, or Puberty. But I've been like that off and on for years? Maybe that;ds part of the pattern?
When I was a young child, I had this recurring dream for years and years; I was a pure energy Being, traveling somehow through the ether. Everything would be smooth and blissful until, suddenly, Chaos! Static!! Jaggedness!!
It was a lot like a funhouse ride, and I soon learned to just relax and go with it and it would be fine.

Journal excerpt from my April 22, 2008

Picked a card from the "Voyager" deck. -got three cards stuck together Brilliance- Achiever- Reward

Hmm, yes...when a person has survivied an ordeal they recieve "the key" The Key to the Kingdom (when I lay claim to nothing, seems everything's mine.)
>Believe in your own unique genius and produce from it.
>With Saturnian discipline and Jupeterian expansiveness, worker bee industry, teamwork syb=nergy and the will and competitiveness of the runner, you will arrive at your goal.
>To insurecontinued success, follow your rainbow. Your profits and prosperity live in your visions and dreams. Go for them.
>Humor: Awaken the power of your will and find your joy and your laughter
>Growth: It's time to move up, break out and branch out.


"You are born in a human form, and you find joy in it. Yet there are ten thousand other forms endlessly transforming that are equally good, and the joy in these is untold. The sage dwells among these things, which can never be lost, and so he lives forever. He willingly acceptsearly death, old age, the beginning and the end, and serves as an example for everyone." _Chuang Tzu