Art is magic, magic is art.

Art is Magic, Magic is Art

"I believe that magic is art and that art, whether it be writing, music, sculpture, or any other form is literally magic. Art is, like magic, the science of manipulating symbols, words, or images, to achieve changes in consciousness." - Alan Moore

"Why should you study and practice Magick? Because you can't help doing it, and you had better do it well than badly.""
— Aleister Crowley, Magick Without Tears

Today is October 8, 2017

R. Crumbs vision of the future


I am in a state of indeterminism. I don't know what's going on, my life seems meaningless and chaotic right now. Yesterday Charlie as much as told me I was worthless, and Theo told me he didn't want me around. I could feel shattered, these are the people I love, my family, but this scenario is not unusual. I've gotten this negative feedback my whole life from my supposed loved ones.
So I am self-soothing which is a practice I developed from being left to sleep outside in the cold for 4 hour stretches. I just talk to my inner child and treat her as tenderly as possible. We are going off to rustle up some grub right now!
Yay! I found a stash of smoked almonds, plus I started a batch of soup. So far I have carrots and tumeric, but will add other ingredients later! Since my superpowers ar "Indifference" and "Extra-ordinariness{" making soup in the face of enormous grief and loneliness seems appropriate! Anyway, I enjoy the company of my Inner Child more than I do that of any other.
I am currently reading "Order Out of Chaos" by Ilya Prigogine and Isabelle Stengers. I am only on the foreward "Science and Change" by Alvin Toffler, author of "Future Shock." I am underlining and writing in the margins and taking notes, so this is going to take me a while. Which is good. My biggest issue in life is "pleasant ways to spend eternity." Today I have spent it mostly sleeping, which is a very pleasant activity, especially when I can bring treasures back from the Dreamtime.
Today I got the image of 'defragmenting my hard-drive" Which leads me to creating incrementally, more order in my life.

The story so far: Not knowing exactly what I was doing in this realme, I wandered, experimenting, trying tis and that. My overview of my life war that of shining a strobe or spotlight hither and yon trying to figure out where the heck I was and what was going on. The predominant feeling-tone of my life has been bewilderment.
Who I was I never doubted because I am always here, in this consciousness, attached to another forever. The world has stood in for that Other .
 In lieu of being able to understand my being my hope is that the Other will look upon me with understanding and compassion.
I'm in a growth spurt, or time of disequilibrium, like the Terrible Two's, or Puberty. But I've been like that off and on for years? Maybe that;ds part of the pattern?
When I was a young child, I had this recurring dream for years and years; I was a pure energy Being, traveling somehow through the ether. Everything would be smooth and blissful until, suddenly, Chaos! Static!! Jaggedness!!
It was a lot like a funhouse ride, and I soon learned to just relax and go with it and it would be fine.

Journal excerpt from my April 22, 2008

Picked a card from the "Voyager" deck. -got three cards stuck together Brilliance- Achiever- Reward

Hmm, yes...when a person has survivied an ordeal they recieve "the key" The Key to the Kingdom (when I lay claim to nothing, seems everything's mine.)
>Believe in your own unique genius and produce from it.
>With Saturnian discipline and Jupeterian expansiveness, worker bee industry, teamwork syb=nergy and the will and competitiveness of the runner, you will arrive at your goal.
>To insurecontinued success, follow your rainbow. Your profits and prosperity live in your visions and dreams. Go for them.
>Humor: Awaken the power of your will and find your joy and your laughter
>Growth: It's time to move up, break out and branch out.


"You are born in a human form, and you find joy in it. Yet there are ten thousand other forms endlessly transforming that are equally good, and the joy in these is untold. The sage dwells among these things, which can never be lost, and so he lives forever. He willingly acceptsearly death, old age, the beginning and the end, and serves as an example for everyone." _Chuang Tzu