Message in a bottle.

Surrendering to the now

Hanging out with Roylin Andrews, the last guy I lived with and had sex with.

I am just going to enjoy this and not worry about it.

YOUR CARD FOR THE DAY

THE LADY OF THE MIRROR

REFLECTION, NONJUDGMENT

ALLY/CHALLENGER

The Lady of the Mirror is both Ally and Challenger, asking you to see yourself in the mirror made by the events in your life. She represents the powerful force of the Law of Attraction and reminds you that what you are is what you attract.

This isn't to say that you need to blame yourself for inviting transgressions or if you find yourself a victim of a big-picture event say, a war. This is a distorted interpretation of this law. Certain events are fated to test our faith.

Rather, find yourself within the web woven through your life your relationships, opportunities, desires, seeming failures, and successes. Observe how you've responded to life's challenges, great and small, and be aware of what is familiar in the present. Release all judgment, and accept things exactly as they are with love.

The Lady of the Mirror asks that you honor every part of your story as essential to your highest unfolding. Can you see yourself as being exactly where you need to be on your path? Do you love what you see in the mirror? Can you perceive your part in your reactions and the motives behind your current inquiry? You will find your answer in a thorough and honest self-appraisal.````

WHAT ELSE DO I NEED TO KNOW?

THE DIAMOND DREAMER

MATERIAL WEALTH, TRUE PROSPERITY

ALLY

When the Diamond Dreamer arrives, he represents the successful manifestation of the unseen into the material. Be sure you truly want what you think you desire, for this Ally will commit to getting it for you. All manner of conditions will flow around you; messages from Spirit will serve to guide you toward achieving your heart's desire. If you want a house, you'll be led to it. If your priority is a new job, with the right continual steps, you will achieve this. If you desire a more harmonious relationship, the measures needed to create this will be obvious.

A project finally pays off. Material gain and positive financial shifts may also be on the way. You will, indeed, see the tangible results of your ambition. The Diamond Dreamer also serves to guide you to the appropriate choices so that the unseen is awakened to move mountains on your behalf.

Positive communication is now possible in all your relationships.

WHERE IS THIS GOING?

THE LADY OF LIGHTNING

SURPRISES, SOMETIMES SHOCK; TOTAL PARADIGM SHIFT

ALLY

As an Ally, the Lady of Lightning brings powerful forces of change into your life. She tells you to expect a sudden shift in your circumstances. Perhaps a situation you weren't anticipating arises and offers you the opportunity of a lifetime, or a series of Aha! moments culminates in a pivotal flash of insight causing everything to change just like that. Maybe someone enters your life and pushes you to new heights. You may have a brilliant idea that hits you like lightning.

Be prepared; change is imminent, and a total paradigm shift may be upon you. Don't resist the changes, as this kind of lightning isn't something you want to fight. Great things are happening when the Lady of Lightning appears.

Healthy depression

In healthy depression, there’s less a sense that one’s overall sense of self is deficient or defective, but that the person we imagined ourself to be, and valued so highly, is now less imaginable. There’s a diminishment of self, rather than a fragility of self. The onset of depression signals us that we somehow need to square our self-beliefs with our actual attributes, talents, and achievements. Emotional well-being requires that we form estimates of our attributes, talents, and achievements which are accurate and stable. If we walk through life underestimating or overestimating who we are, we potentially set ourselves up for perpetual distress.

Typically, healthy depression is characterized by identifiable losses and accessible sadness. It may be the loss of a romantic relationship, a valued employment position, or athletic ability due to illness. If normal sadness is confused with clinical depression and medicated, opportunities to grieve the loss, emotionally process it and learn about oneself, possibly in psychotherapy, are foreclosed.

I just sent a message to Will Stewart about his. He said goodbye. Oh well, what can I do?

Libra 18

TWO PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO GIVE AN ACCOUNTING FOR THEIR ACTS BEFORE THE TRIBUNAL OF SOCIETY

This Symbol implies the periodic need for people to step up to the line and explain themselves, or to justify some actions or ways of being, particularly in relationships. Sometimes our ideas or actions are under criticism, to the point of feeling that someone has offended social acceptability. Be thoughtful about situations, because problems you face may only exist in your own mind, stopping you from having fruitful relationships because of a lack of trust or a failed relationship in your past. You may need to forgive or feel forgiven. Relationships can be held in abeyance until the facts come to light. Things resolve themselves as time goes by. Unacceptable principles. People kept apart because of circumstances. Relationships like jail sentences. Staying too long. The law. Karma to be worked out. Judge and juries.

The Caution: Refusing to conform. Sabotage of relationship values. Feeling stuck, unable to move. Staying in relationships when one should go. Deadening emotions. Shutting off to cope. Not having one's point of view heard. Losing one's authority. Being bound karmically. Being tied up and limited.

Keywords: Having to plead one's case. The need for "legal help". Unacceptable principles. Blowing the whistle. Pointing at others to get off charges. People unable to relate. The "Romeo and Juliet" story. Feeling caught out. Restrictions. Karma to be worked out. Being framed. Circumstances out of control. People in handcuffs. Identification parades. Police. The law. Lawyers. Judges. Juries. Tribunals. Police states. Breaking laws.

Loser

I am feeling as if my life is totally worthless. I am damaged beyond repair and don't belong in this world. If I could die, i.e. transport myself into another world, I would do it right now, like the Little Prince getting the snake to bite him. People say this is the land of milk and honey. Right now it seems to me like the land of hate and money.
I don't really care, except when it affects how I am allowed to interact with the world.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) —
This summer, Mars will be retrograde in your sign for the first time since 1971. Astrological events gain meaning and influence through being unusual, and this qualifies: it’s describing a truly momentous time in your life, a time not just of re-evaluation, but also re-creation. Don’t be afraid to ask the big questions, and trust that you will get answers. Those answers may not arrive immediately. But they will indeed show up, perhaps in pieces that you assemble, perhaps in layers, and perhaps in the form of revelations or discoveries. I would borrow an idea from A Course in Miracles that you may find helpful: your role is not to seek love, but rather to seek and find the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence. This will entail coming to terms with anger; we are talking about Mars, after all. You will need to come to terms with desire, whether sexual or otherwise. You will need to understand the various shades of assertion, aggression and attack, and gain an understanding of what those mean, and where they are rooted in your psyche. Find a way not to take anger out on yourself. Rather, direct it outward at what cannot be hurt, such as in martial arts training of some kind. When Mars is active in your life, you need to move your energy through you, and learn to focus it as you do. This and many other factors will help liberate you.

This post is coming out of a place of feeling torn between thinking about going to be with Will "I am Graham"Stewart, (in theory, at least because whether or not the Spirit is willing This flesh does not feel like going anywhere, thank you, as perfectly tempting it is.) It is the most tempting thing in the Universe. I can imagine doing more things with him than with anyone else, but that doesn't mean I want to actually do them.. Just thinking about it is good enough for me. I have a great imagination and your abundant imagination and creative approach nourish my Spirit like no other. You have given my Creative Muse a face and a charming Scottish accent. Right now that's more than enough. 

I just think it's hilarious because when I am with Graham (YOU) or think about him I feel like the most beautiful Disney Princess in the Universe, Living in the "Happy Ever After";  the Valley of Love and Delight. If all I think about is YOU my Beloved, my body fills with a Holy Sweetness which has a salubrious effect on my health as you can well imagine. Thinking about you stimulates my thymus (and other) glands. You rub me the right way, baby! ) 

So I am in conflict with myself as to why I am not flying away to this Harlequin Romance-y kind of situation. Mainly because I am not romantic. I'm a pragmatist, I have things I want to do, projects I want to see to completion. As an eternal being, I can't see any reason why I can't have my cake and eat it too.  I can love you eternally and still bring to fruition the many seeds I have planted in my lifetime? I have not even begun to curate my own Bildungsroman/Multimedia Presentation and many of my experiments have only begun to show results. 

I have Saturn in Virgo. 

Anyway, beloved, I figure this being Eternal Love, there is plenty of time for these things to sort themselves out, right? 

You are stuck with me, I am afraid! But at a distance which respects your need for space, of course. You do what you need to do, I will be right here for you. I am thinking that maybe I am your grandma, the Loch swimmer? You never know, eh? 

A CHILD OF ABOUT FIVE CARRYING A HUGE SHOPPING BAG FILLED WITH GROCERIES

This Symbol shows having to “Carry” heavy loads, to shoulder responsibilities, do chores and jobs and help others, sometimes because there’s no one else who can or will do it. Often, the “Child” gets these responsibilities because they are the one who others know is going to take it seriously, completing the task, taking care of details. You may feel that you have been burdened with responsibilities beyond normal expectations and possibly beyond your capability. Despite being keen and enthusiastic, you must be careful not to try to take on too much, or do too much, or too quickly. Like a child, you need to play, be creative and rest. Growing up too fast. Weighed down with responsibilities. Taking on things above and beyond. Being the one who pays. Acting the grownup. Doing everything. Broad shoulders.

The Caution: Overloading the innocent and the inexperienced without thought of the consequences. Taking on too much. Not allowing for fun and carefree activities. Never being "off-duty". Joint, back and shoulder problems. Growing up too fast. Having a serious attitude. Lack of childhood. Dropping the bundle. Carrying the family's responsibilities.

Keywords: Being the one everyone counts on to do the job. Feeling weighed down. Having to carry the "bag". Lifting heavy weights and bearing the consequences. Taking on things above and beyond what one should. Acting the grownup. Maturing quickly. Looking after paperwork. Running errands. Providing food and sustenance for everyone.

 A Sound Mind in a Healthy Body

I am reading Magister Ludi or the Glass Bead Game by Hermann Hesse. The idea of belonging to an order devoted to higher studies
I still have a problem with celibacy because I still believe
sex can be a spiritual activity. capable of raising one's Consciousness and she energy; Taoist.
 be able to be totally with another person and block them in fullness

Whosoever directs the highest tower of Yearning towards the center, towards the true being, toward the perfect, seems actually more tranquil than the passionate man because the flame of his ardor is not always apparent and perhaps because he does not rave in argument and does not always scourge the poor in spirit. But Itell you he will inevitably glow and burn in ardor.

It may be that when we no longer know what to do we have come to a real work and that when we no longer know which way to go we have begun our real journey Stephen Nachmanovitch "Free Play: Improvisation in Life and Art", 

Key lock lock key
Lock time time lock lock frame we frame out of time keeping time the essence essential elements.


My thesis is that, under certain circumstances, sex can be art, depending on what transpires below the surface.

one of the first pages of 2001 Sketchbook,

 Am I a flower or a child?
Am I a butterfly floating through the milkweed?
Am I a lion hot and
Groundhog afraid of its own shadow ?

I've lived in your towns.
I've played by your rules.
I've kept my mouth shut,
And I've listened to fools.
I've bowed down to money,
ignored my own voice.
Right now it's not funny.
I don't have a choice.
I need to tell it like I see it.
I need to speak my own mind.,
I need to say what we all long for and be a voice for mankind

It swirls all around me, this vast world of endless play.
Let the world let the wind carry me, the feather. the spirit,
Let me be moved as I will be moved as our desires move me

Feeling sad and puzzled

for Jean, born 26 January 1950

An inward glimpse

Valid during several weeks: At this time you focus your concerns upon your most intimate personal life and the people who affect it most, your family and parents. You will want to be in familiar surroundings now and feel that you have some kind of center or place where you can build a solid base for your activities. For most people this means a home. Although you should continue to live up to the demands of the outer world, because your personal life is interdependent with it, you should focus most of your attention inward. Not only inward to your personal life, but also inward in a psychological sense. If necessary, go off by yourself and spend time in contemplation or meditation. Events that occurred in the past may come back to you now through memories and through consequences of those events that continue to affect you now.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Sun in 4th house,  4,
activity period from 14 March 2018 until mid-April 2018

Gemini 18

TWO CHINESE MEN TALKING CHINESE IN A WESTERN CROWD

This Symbol implies being able to find someone to communicate with, even when you’re in what might feel like alien territory. You may feel that you are often surrounded by people who don’t understand you or even suspect your ways of doing things or your motives. Finding someone of like mind or feeling will help you feel more comfortable and secure. Thinking and speaking in your native tongue or a language that reflects your thoughts and beliefs will bring greater ease and comfort. Sharing mutual thoughts can help transcend feelings of alienation and can lead to new understanding. Transcending feelings of alienation. Having a specialized language that doesn't communicate with everyone. Having a completely different mindset. Interpretations.

The Caution: Reluctance to adapt. Being with people who don't share the same philosophies or understandings. No one to communicate with on the same level. Stories that get out of control. Depending on others to mirror one's self. Being in alien territory. Schizophrenia. Hearing voices. Racism.

Keywords: Finding those of like mind. Leaving the "western crowd" behind. People having a specialized language that doesn't communicate with the larger population. Exclusivity in communication. Interpreting or misinterpreting tones of voice. People being drawn to each other. "Chinese whispers".

Rumination; Bildingsroman

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

Michaelangelo

I have just been looking at the trajectory of my life, thinking of my past; the "formative years"; as the "carving*" portion of my life. I am just in the latter stages of this process, defining and accentuating, cleaning up any rough edges, adding detail.

Since my life story is distinctly a mixed media project, I will incorporate other sculpting techniques, now that I've uncovered the basic shape!

Carving: Carving involves cutting or chipping away a shape from a mass of stone, wood, or other hard material. Carving is a subtractive process whereby material is systematically eliminated from the outside in.
Casting: Sculptures that are cast are made from a material that is melted down—usually a metal—that is then poured into a mold. The mold is allowed to cool, thereby hardening the metal, usually bronze. Casting is an additive process.

Modeling: Modeled sculptures are created when a soft or malleable material (such as clay) is built up (sometimes over an armature) and shaped to create a form. Modeling is an additive process.

Assembling: Sculptors gather and join different materials to create an assembled sculpture. Assembling is an additive process. 

"The best artist has that thought alone Which is contained within the marble shell; The sculptor's hand can only break the spell To free the figures slumbering in the stone". Michelangelo

"My soul can find no staircase to Heaven unless it be through Earth's loveliness". Michelangelo

*Carving involves cutting or chipping away a shape from a mass of stone, wood, or other hard material.

Bildungsroman Excerpts from a 2006 Journal

Balance

Balance is not static

It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got That Swing

August 22nd 2006

Down deep and dark!

Fortunately, experience tells me that the lower I go the higher I go.

I see it like a series of concentric "being states ", like nested spheres 1/2 and Shadow . Breakthrough in Shadow lead to path to Higher Consciousness . I know I am okay and whatever I go through will enhance and enrich the quality of my consciousness. I see very clearly now that I have overextended myself in giving and must create a receptivity in myself which will stimulate giving in other's and restore balance.

My relationships are ready to reverse their focus.

It is not always better to give; receiving can be healthy too.

Bring it on!!

Struggling inside myself to find the best way to go.

False friends cannot harm you. Hold Steady

Horizontal Meets Vertical

Random journal excerpt from April 28th, 2006
Jury of my peers:
Dave Chappelle
Keith Knight
Wynton Marsalis 
Martin Sexton
Rob Brezsny
Neil Gaiman'
Todd Solonds
Akira Kurosawa
QueenLatifah
Ellen DeGeneres
Jack Black
Flemming Funch

(Thought you would get a chuckle at being on this committee, Ming!)

David Khari Webber Chappelle is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer. By 2006, Chappelle was called the "comic genius of America" His comedy focuses on American racism towards Blacks and Whites, relationship problems, social problems, politics, current breaking news, and pop culture.
Wynton Marsalis is a trumpeter, composer, teacher, music educator, and artistic director of Jazz at Lincoln Center in New York City, United States. Marsalis has promoted the appreciation of classical and jazz music often to young audiences.
Keith Knight, Jr. is an American cartoonist and musician. While his work is humorous and universal in appeal, he also often deals with political, social, and racial issues.

Martin Sexton is an American singer-songwriter and has released 9 studio albums blending soul, gospel, country, rock, blues, and R&B. He is known for his wide vocal range and dynamic live performances.

Akira Kurosawa was a Japanese film director and screenwriter, who directed 30 films in a career spanning 57 years. He is regarded as one of the most important and influential filmmakers in the history of cinema.

Dana Elaine Owens, known professionally by her stage name Queen Latifah, is an American rapper, songwriter, singer, actress, and producer.

Ellen Lee DeGeneres is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist.

Jack Black is an American actor and musician. His acting career has been extensive, starring primarily in comedy films.

Todd Solondz is an American independent film screenwriter and director known for his style of dark, thought-provoking, socially conscious satire.

Flemming

Funch. web collaboration - open space - self-organization - facilitating change futurism - de-constructing reality - communication - cosmology collective intelligence - conscious evolution - cognitive activism - general semantics patterns - freedom - synergy - magic

HIpi`

If I lived totally alone in some cave someplace I'm pretty sure I would wear feathers, shells, and decorate myself and my cave or whatever.

Here's my reply to all those who (I imagined anyway) think I am doing nothing of any importance or value (mainly my mom) oh yeah how original well I'm doing something creative or expressive or healing almost all the time. 

Is the work you do any of those things? Are you coming up with any insights or understanding or true learning about life or are you doing some meaningless activity and then relying upon some "expert" for these things? Not that you get them either.)

One time I was talking to my sister Maggie (and someone else, maybe)how as she gets older time seems to go faster (like all adults say)

I said, "No, not so for me. Each day is long."

She said it was because I'm bored. That is not at all true. Occasionally I get a brief pocket of boredom but it is. I'm not looking inside at what is there Lord I Have Become distracted by outside world when I go inside time stand still or slow sometimes a series in a mint Ventures I look at the clock only a few minutes have passed sometimes I feel like my task is to free myself from this reality without abandoning or destroying my body in the process secret is to become aware of the template and restoring the patterns distorted by gazing at the illusory world when I was little having no human companions I would arrange parties and Adventures for my toys although I sit alone in my own little world I am busy setting up an in economic and ecological will never sent the light it's now imaginary inhabitants this is 

 This video is Akin to my inner world., My Heavenly Template.

I honor the wildness!

From dictation.io "Grandmothers eye"

I remember when we moved to Shrub Oak not too long after my grandmother died I was hanging out with some neighborhood girls they were telling scary stories; one story really affected me it was about this girl and how her grandmother's I was Haunting her it really scared me no wonder she had way too much influence on everyone's life no wonder my dad moved away and never wrote are called etcetera. 

My mom, on the other hand, idolized my paternal grandmother and try to emulate her and her hyper-genteel standards. No wonder I preferred overalls to fussy, ruffly Petticoat dresses, white gloves and patent leather Mary Janes. No wonder I stone wash my jeans, and scuffed up my sneakers. I preferred to shop at thrift shops and eventually moved into a ramshackle old house and surround myself with wild Ruckus boys genteel b******* was deadly. 

On the good side, I did get an appreciation for beauty and for craftsmanship in everyday matters like creation and clothing Etc It's a fine line.

Life feels like delicate brain surgery to me right now. I'm discerning the minute distinctions within each area of life; separate the wheat from the chaff or the lentils from the sand; as it were.

 I guess I must have known I was onto something when my parents were so against my doing artwork. My inner being went AHA! At last! Something that is truly my own!

It's amazing how disrespectful my mom is toward me I could just hear her reply should I ever voice that thought in her ears shut why should I respect you said in the sneering condescending tone remember she had had his attitude toward me long as I do whatever she wants and don't disagree with her everything is fine but if I should voice opinion or do something she doesn't approve of then it's "How dare you,  ungrateful child!! After everything I ever did for you!! You're always or like that!"

 I know she was totally controlled by those nuns in the orphanage. I'm sure they made her feel small and bad and helpless. I guess the only thing to do in such a no-win situation is to eventually comply and to identify with the oppressor, which is what she did.

I used to love it when I was a kid and she used to tell me stories of how she would disobey and disregard and outsmart those old ones I thought she was a hero I used to want to grow up and be her mommy so that she would have a happy childhood. Right now I'm not ready and neither is she. It would be nice though!

 I guess I was thinking of The Celestine Prophecy. I'm an aloof and so is Wallace we raised ourselves above the unpleasantness away from the maddening crowd 

"Volare" 

Let us sing in the glow of a star that I know of where lovers enjoy peace of mind!

Let us leave this confusion and all this illusion behind

 Just like birds of a feather, a rainbow together we'll find!

September 30th 2001 

I remember one time I was alone in the house I was crying and weeping to myself look through the window and saw me he came in and asked me why I was crying when there was no one to see me I was crying because I felt very sad no one was there today I made a delicious meal I made sautéed peppers red orange and yellow with onions and portabella mushrooms , a vegetable patty, whole wheat couscous with parsley and garlic,  salad of baby mixed greens, with vine-ripened tomatoes.

There was no one here to share it and no one will ever know how luscious it was or how well-prepared, I made up a small plate for myself ate it and totally enjoyed it. 

I'm listening to The Chieftains CD "Santiago", not because it's cool or fashionable but because I love the music.

 I spent the whole morning painting pictures and I don't care if anyone likes them or even if anyone ever sees them. Am am I selfish? Maybe. I like to share my life with others, though.

 I think I felt nearly every way a human can feel. Not too long ago I wished I had the mutant power to vaporize my enemies; landlords, bankers, police, clergy, pedants, tyrants and finger pointers in general; anyone who would not let me just live in peace and create my own life. If I'd had that power back then there would be a lot of disappearances. There would be no overpopulation problem anymore. I'm getting to the point where I would rather die than be threatened frightened or coerced in any way, to live my life in a manner that is not my own choice is it supposed to be the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Like Blind Melon, I thought this was the land of milk and honey but I found out is the land of hate and money.

I am a loyal citizen of my true country; my allegiance is to no worldly government. I am a citizen of the kingdom of heaven. My allegiance is to that realm and to no other.

I created this picture with magic markers at around the same time I wrote this essay. My father had died on April 23, 2001. I moved in to 28 Susquehanna Avenue in Cooperstown soon after that. I was working at the library in Cooperstown, as a volunteer. There's a lot more in this notpad, so I will get back to work now.

Movie on 3 4 18 at 9 15 PM