Today is October 8, 2017

R. Crumbs vision of the future


I am in a state of indeterminism. I don't know what's going on, my life seems meaningless and chaotic right now. Yesterday Charlie as much as told me I was worthless, and Theo told me he didn't want me around. I could feel shattered, these are the people I love, my family, but this scenario is not unusual. I've gotten this negative feedback my whole life from my supposed loved ones.
So I am self-soothing which is a practice I developed from being left to sleep outside in the cold for 4 hour stretches. I just talk to my inner child and treat her as tenderly as possible. We are going off to rustle up some grub right now!
Yay! I found a stash of smoked almonds, plus I started a batch of soup. So far I have carrots and tumeric, but will add other ingredients later! Since my superpowers ar "Indifference" and "Extra-ordinariness{" making soup in the face of enormous grief and loneliness seems appropriate! Anyway, I enjoy the company of my Inner Child more than I do that of any other.
I am currently reading "Order Out of Chaos" by Ilya Prigogine and Isabelle Stengers. I am only on the foreward "Science and Change" by Alvin Toffler, author of "Future Shock." I am underlining and writing in the margins and taking notes, so this is going to take me a while. Which is good. My biggest issue in life is "pleasant ways to spend eternity." Today I have spent it mostly sleeping, which is a very pleasant activity, especially when I can bring treasures back from the Dreamtime.
Today I got the image of 'defragmenting my hard-drive" Which leads me to creating incrementally, more order in my life.