September 30th 2001 

I remember one time I was alone in the house I was crying and weeping to myself look through the window and saw me he came in and asked me why I was crying when there was no one to see me I was crying because I felt very sad no one was there today I made a delicious meal I made sautéed peppers red orange and yellow with onions and portabella mushrooms , a vegetable patty, whole wheat couscous with parsley and garlic,  salad of baby mixed greens, with vine-ripened tomatoes.

There was no one here to share it and no one will ever know how luscious it was or how well-prepared, I made up a small plate for myself ate it and totally enjoyed it. 

I'm listening to The Chieftains CD "Santiago", not because it's cool or fashionable but because I love the music.

 I spent the whole morning painting pictures and I don't care if anyone likes them or even if anyone ever sees them. Am am I selfish? Maybe. I like to share my life with others, though.

 I think I felt nearly every way a human can feel. Not too long ago I wished I had the mutant power to vaporize my enemies; landlords, bankers, police, clergy, pedants, tyrants and finger pointers in general; anyone who would not let me just live in peace and create my own life. If I'd had that power back then there would be a lot of disappearances. There would be no overpopulation problem anymore. I'm getting to the point where I would rather die than be threatened frightened or coerced in any way, to live my life in a manner that is not my own choice is it supposed to be the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Like Blind Melon, I thought this was the land of milk and honey but I found out is the land of hate and money.

I am a loyal citizen of my true country; my allegiance is to no worldly government. I am a citizen of the kingdom of heaven. My allegiance is to that realm and to no other.

I created this picture with magic markers at around the same time I wrote this essay. My father had died on April 23, 2001. I moved in to 28 Susquehanna Avenue in Cooperstown soon after that. I was working at the library in Cooperstown, as a volunteer. There's a lot more in this notpad, so I will get back to work now.